Heart to Heart

I'm warning you now, this isn't necessarily an update about what I'm doing. It's more an "I need to share what's on my heart" kind of thing, so unless you really care about what I think and not just my various ministry adventures, just pass this post on by.

I've just had a very heavy heart these past few weeks, and I haven't really been able to explain why. Mostly I have just put it down to a desire to GO. I feel like the little I do here isn't enough, and I'm not out there just going for it like I want to be. God's really been teaching me about my calling though. About how I'm not just a harvester, but I am a harvester of the harvesters. I am called to lead leaders, and disciple the disciplers. That is so hard for me to swallow though! Anybody who knows me, especially since my DTS, can testify to how I want to be out there in the thick of things, letting God use me how he will. But this IS how he is using me. Serving this base. This community. Trying to become a leader while being a leader. To be honest, I almost didn't want to be on staff. I wanted to be a student again, with great leaders that would give me the release to just take schools, nations, whatever for the Kingdom. But I have to deal with the fact that it's my turn to do the releasing. It's my turn to see these amazing people step into their identity. When I first felt led to come back, I also asked God what was beyond these two years, what was even a little bit further down the road for me. And while I still don't know for sure, I have felt a call to start a YWAM base back home in Indiana. I thought this call would begin then, being a leader of leaders and such. But, no. It's now. And it's freaking me out a bit. Who am I, a smalltown farm girl from Indiana with a weird streak a mile wide and stubborn as all get out to boot, that I would be picked for such dreams? That's when God's voice rings clear... you are that, and more. Princess. Daughter. Beloved. Sister and Bride. Who are you, that you get to decide who I call? Once again, I am filled with faith in the faithfullness of God as I learn to just abide in the vine and see where it takes me. Jesus, you are my one and only. Let my life be the proof of your love. Amen.